Innes and Ephraim's 1000 Year Trip
by Marthio5x
Summary: Ephraim becomes desperate to see Navarre so he wants to travel to Devil Mountains to see him. Of course, he doesn't want to go alone so he grabs Innes and adds 999 years to his trip. With Marthio5x in the way, would they ever make it to Devil Mountains alive?
1. Chapter 1

Innes and Ephraim's 1000 Year Trip, a Fire Emblem fanfiction

_At 3:00 AM, Ephraim decided to travel to Devil Mountains to find Navarre and kill him. Of course, Innes told him it was a bad idea and he didn't want to go but Ephraim found a way to get him to go with him… and he went. That's how the story begins!_

~Part One~

**Ephraim: Can I tell you something?**

**Innes: Tell me.**

**Ephraim: …Never mind!**

**Innes: Just tell me!**

**Ephraim: F-forget it…**

**Innes: *points bow at Ephraim* If you don't tell me it, I will—**

**Ephraim: Navarre killed a Frelian!**

**Innes: What? That's impossible!**

**Ephraim: It happened.**

**Innes: *runs away***

**Ephraim: W-wait up! *follows him***

Innes: Why the Hector are we running?

Ephraim: Because we ran out of heal staves.

Innes: Ephraim! Don't say that again!

Ephraim: Say what?

Innes: I.R.O.O.H.S.

Ephraim: What does that mean?

Innes: …I ran out of heal staves. *covers mouth*

*A 13-year-old blue-haired girl randomly appears holding a blue steel blade and a FE8 snapshot*

Marthio5x: You what?

Ephraim: He ran out of heal staves and lost.

Marthio5x: *drops blade and raises snapshot* whose death quote is this?

Innes: ….Mine.

Marthio5x: Do you know how that happened?

Innes: You ran out of heal staves, elixirs, Nosferatu spells and other healing items and lost each and every one of your units –including me- and got game over.

Ephraim: Ha, ha, ha.

Marthio5x: It wasn't Eirika who got killed…

Ephraim: Say what?

Marthio5x: Yeah. You were turned to stone by a Gorgon and killed by a Mogall.

Ephraim: *cries* Why me?

Innes: You sucked.

Marthio5x: And so did you!

Innes: …! What?

Marthio5x: *disappears leaving blue smoke and a Silver Bow*

Ephraim: So… do we go now?

Innes: Yes… Oooh look!

Ephraim: It's a bow. It's…._her_ bow.

Innes: So. It's a Silver Bow and it's free. *picks it up*

Ephraim: Innes!

Innes: Nothing happened. Let's go.

Ephraim: It's forged. Terribly forged.

Innes: Ooh look! It's a shop!

Ephraim: Let's rob it.

Innes: We can get a Warp staff for free?

Ephraim: Yup! Just do it Zelda-style and there!

Innes: Let's go then.

_And so the two princes were arrested for robbing the shop and they met some mean, __**mean **__people. Even though this wasn't part of their plan, something there changed it all up…_

_**Innes: Oh yeah, never forget to capitalize the F and the E in Fire Emblem…or else you want Marthio5x after you. Trust me…it happened…to Ephraim.**_

_**Ephraim: Shut up, Frelian!**_


	2. Chapter 2

In an Archanean jail, the two thieves had to either die, or be called 'Thief' for the rest of their lives. So they decided to be 'thieves' for the rest of their lives. When they were finally released, they had a big argument. Many people tried to stop their princes *ahem* thieves from fighting. Now, I'm gonna break up this fight! Hey Innes! *gets slapped* ow! This isn't Brutally Elfired!

**Innes: You're the narrator! You're not supposed to do anything with us!**

**Ephraim: Yeah!  
**

**Innes: Don't try to end this! It was all your stupid idea, Thief!**

**Ephraim: Don't call me Thief! You agreed to my idea!**

…How about we stop ending every sentence with a (!)

**Both: SHUT UP, NARRATOR!**

**Ephraim: Well….as long as we got the Warp staff.**

**Innes: :|  
**

**Ephraim:** **What's the face for?**

**Innes: We ran out of –**

***Blue smoke rises from the ground and once again, Marthio5x appears***

**Marthio5x: Out of what, S-T-A-V-E-S?**

**Innes: I banged Ephraim in the head with the Warp staff and it broke!**

**Ephraim: WHAT! We need a new one!**

Marthio5x: Exactly as I thought. Innes picked up my greatly forged bow, right?

Innes: …Y-yes

Ephraim: Wasn't it terribly forged?

Marthio5x: No. Ow! *disappears*

Innes: 5 points!

Ephraim: 5 points?

Innes: *in a cheesy kid voice* Ephraim!

Ephraim: What?

Innes: Did you see that? That landed on the SPOT!

Ephraim: That was her knee, not a *in a cheesy kid voice* SPOT!

Innes: That landed on the MARK!

Ephraim: That was 1 out of 9,000 tries and you STILL missed!

Innes: No I didn't!

Ephraim: So why isn't there an arrow on the tree?

Innes: :( I don't know… *he finally stops using the cheesy kid voice*

Ephraim: You missed!

Innes: …No and don't call me Mist.

Ephraim: Do you want two Cavaliers talking garbage about us?

Innes: No.

Ephraim: Then let's go!

Innes: I'm only doing this for you, Prince.

Ephraim: What about that Frelian guy?

Innes: Oh, yeah…and did I call you a prince again?

Ephraim: Yeah!

Innes: Well, 'Thief Ephraim', I'm going.

Ephraim: Then go!

Innes: We need a Warp staff! I ain't running!

Ephraim: I know where to get one…

The two princes *ahem* thieves went to a nearby general store.

Innes: Holy Shiida.

Ephraim: Innes! Don't say things like that! We're in Archanea, remember?

Innes: So, she's a Pegasus knight.

Ephraim: Remember when she nearly killed you…indirectly?

Innes: *runs out of the store embarrassed*

Ephraim: Ha, ha, ha, ha. What's so embarrassing about it?

Innes: Ephraim…I'm a Sniper. I'm supposed to annihilate Peg. Knights, not get killed by them!

Ephraim: Shut up and get us some Warp staves.

Innes: OK.

The thieves enter the store. I hope they don't steal anything.

Ephraim: Can we get 2 Warp staves?

Marthio5x: No.

Ephraim: But….we're not going to steal…

Innes: Oh shoot!

Marthio5x: Oh, Innes… I used to be an archer just like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

Ephraim: I told you, Gordin!

Innes: Oh, come on! And don't call me a Gorgon, Eph‼

Ephraim: Don't call me 'F'! Do I look like Franz to you?

Innes: Uh…yeah?

Marthio5x: Do you guys want the staves or not?

Ephraim: Oh, here. Thanks, mercenary.

Marthio5x: Don't call me a mercenary.

Ephraim: Why?

Marthio5x: *points a forged Lancereaver* I'm a Swordmaster, OK? If I were a mercenary, I won't be pointing a Lancereaver at you.

Ephraim: Yow! An enemy ambush!

Innes: I thought you were Ephraim, not Marth.

Marthio5x: Looks like someone's playing Shadow Dragon…

Ephraim: Actually, I hate Shadow Dragon.

Innes: Bad idea. *runs for safety*

Marthio5x: You WHAT?

_And so, Innes ran to a fort as Ephraim got into a big fight with Marthio5x. Oooooh… Ouch! Even though they got the Warp staves, they still have a long way to go. I should leave before I get shocked by Marthio5x._

_**Ephraim: Oww. This is very first time I picked a fight I can't win!**  
_

_**Marthio5x: Ha! I forge my weapons all day, every day. You thought you can beat them? Ha!  
**_

_**Ephraim: Can I buy...a Vulnerary?  
**_

_**Marthio5x: That'll be 9,980G  
**_

_**Ephraim: WHAT? *faints*  
**_


	3. Chapter 3

**~Part Three~**

_After nearly dying from Marthio5x's attacks, Ephraim quickly recovers in a fort. Innes, of course, had to stay there until Ephraim is fully healed. To ensure that Ephraim is safe, I hired Barst to protect him. Innes also warned Ephraim about insulting any Altean in front of Marthio5x. Ooh…Now I wanna stop hurting Alteans before Marthio5x comes after me. Oh shoot! No! She's here! Oh wait…I'm Altean. She ain't gonna hurt me._

**Ephraim: *weakly* Oww… Innes…?**

**Innes: Yes?**

**Ephraim: C-can you...**

**Innes: Can I what?**

**Ephraim: …Buy me some freakin' heal staves!**

**Innes: I can get one but I can't use it.**

**Ephraim: Then reclass stupid! **

**Innes: Don't call me stupid, Thief!**

**Ephraim: Don't call me 'Thief', Sniper-that-got-beaten-by-a-Peg.-Knight!**

**Innes: Oh, that is IT! *attempts to slap Ephraim but is caught by Barst***

**Barst: You can't do that, man! That's against them rules, man.**

**Innes: Shut up, man! Oh….holy Shiida…**

**Barst: *slaps Innes* that is also against them rules, man!**

Innes: What? Saying 'Holy Shiida'?

Barst: Yes. Due to Marthio5x's rules, you cannot hurt anyone who starts with an 'E', excluding Ephraim, any Archanean or Mario. Got it?

Innes: Got it.

Ephraim: So she broke one of her own rules, eh?

Innes: He clearly said 'anyone who starts with an 'E', _excluding Ephraim_, any Archanean or Mario.'

Ephraim: Oh come on!

Innes: Oh! You're fully healed! Let's go. We got a Myrmidon to kill.

Ephraim: All right! …Isn't Navarre a Swordmaster?

Innes: I hope not.

Ephraim: Well…let's just go.

Barst: You want to kill Navarre? Are you out of your mind?

Ephraim: No.

Innes: Not at all, not at all.

Barst: But… Navarre is just 2% weaker than Marthio5x.

Ephraim: What?

Innes: He's lying. Go!

Ephraim: O.K.

_And so, the 'Thieves of Magvel' attempted to hire sisters, clerics, and any other staff user they find._

Ephraim: Hey, you use staves?

Lena: NO!

Innes: I thought you were Lena, not Mario! *gets slapped*

Ephraim: Remember that rule about Mario references?

Innes: Yeah, yeah.

Ephraim: Hey!

Innes: Hey!

Ephraim: Duuuuuuude!

Innes: *grunts*

Ephraim: Why is she so… *gets interrupted by Innes*

Innes: Hey you, at the free-throw line!

Lena: What the heck?

Innes: We need your help!

Ephraim: Yeah! We can't use staves!

Lena: That'll be 1,990 pieces of gold.

Ephraim: Here you go!

_Blah, blah, cah. Lena used a Warp staff and sent Ephraim and Innes to the Devil Mountains._

Lena: This ain't enough gold! That's it!

_After Ephraim accidentally gives Lena a bag of rocks with gold on top of it, Lena warps them to a place where even I would hate to go… Anyway, Marthio5x hated Ephraim because he's busy trying to kill her favorite Myrmidon._

**Ephraim: This ain't World 4 or 5 or anything, right?**

**Innes: No… Yes! Yes!**

**Ephraim: It is?**

**Innes: No. We're in Serenes Forest, dude!**

**Ephraim: Serenes fore—WHAT?**

**Innes: Yes! I always wanted to come here.**

**Ephraim: But… We're in freakin' Tellius, man!**

**Innes: So.**

**Ephraim: Not Talis, Eliwood! TELLIUS!**

**Innes: And?**

**Ephraim: It's gonna take us years to get back to Archanea! Duuuuuuude!**

**Innes: Shut up! I know Tellius is over 9,000 miles away from Archanea, but come on!**

**Ephraim: Over 9,000?**

**Innes: Well in Frelia, we count 9,001 as over 9,000.**

**Ephraim: Shiida.**

**Innes: REMEMBER BARST'S RULES, MAN!**

_This ending is just one heck of an ending. Well, hope you enjoyed it!_


	4. Chapter 4

_~Part Four~_

_Oh, great. Ephraim and Innes got into another argument about the whole Lena thing, how long the trip is gonna be, and the fact Navarre is actually a Swordmaster. Well, if you really wanna catch some of the argument, here you go._

**Ephraim: *grunts* You think this is Wind Waker? You think we can get a free boat and travel everywhere we want?**

**Innes: No. Come on, dude! Why can't we just stay here?**

**Ephraim: Because we're not in Archanea anymore!**

**Innes: So! Killing Navarre can wait. Let's just-**

**Ephraim: Killing Navarre can wait? What about the Frelian boy!**

**Innes: Wait...How old was this guy...?**

**Ephraim: Twenty-one.**

**Innes: Oh Shiida! I think I knew him! Let's go! We must go before the boat leaves!**

**Ephraim: But there isn't a...**

**Innes: *runs away***

**Ephraim: ...boat around here... *chases Innes***

Innes: Where's that god Daein boat?

Ephraim: There is no boat!

Innes: You said there was a boat!

Ephraim: There isn't!

Innes: So we have to either go back by walking or finding another staff user.

Ephraim: Wait a second.

Innes: One second passed! What is it?

Ephraim: It's...It's...

Innes: It's what?

Ephraim: 2009!

Innes: 200- Wait... You're not thinking about reclassin' me, are you?

Ephraim: Of course I am!

Innes: Can't you reclass yourself?

Ephraim: Seriously? Did you just ask me that...that terrible question? NO!

Innes: Lemme guess. You can't reclass Lords.

Ephraim: Duh. Wait...that's insulting.

Innes: What?

Ephraim: You called me a Lord. I'm a Great Lord for cryin' out loud!

Innes: What is that, some Marthio5x saying?

Ephraim: No.

Innes: Yes. I once told her Marth is the worst Lord in the history of worst Lords.

Ephraim: ...

Innes: So, *gets slapped and thrown to the ground*

Ephraim: What's your problem? What is it that you have against Marth?

Innes: He was...the worst unit in Shadow Dragon!

Ephraim: *slaps Innes* How freakin' dare you call Marth a unit? He's a Lord! He's a great Lord for cryin' out loud!

Innes:*gets up and dusts himself* I didn't know you were so passionate about him.

Ephraim: What?

Innes: You heard me. I didn't know you were so passionate about Marth, Altean boy.

Ephraim: Didn't know Sheeda's javelin pierced your head!

Innes: Didn't know Greil was the newer version of Fado!

Ephraim: You take that back!

Innes: No!

Ephraim: Oh I know why you hate Marth, Emperor Hard Innes!

Innes: Aw whatever you do, don't mix my name with ...with Hardin's!

Ephraim: That's probably why she gave you that bow...

Innes: For insulting Marth? A reward?

Ephraim: Ha, no.

Innes: What?

Ephraim: It's that same bow that made you miss that one tree. The same bow you used against Sheeda with low HP!

Innes: *growls* SHUT UP!

Ephraim: No. Wait...what were we going to do?

Innes: Oh, yeah...reclass me.

_Five minutes later..._

Ephraim: Ooooooh... take this.

Innes: It's just a .txt file!

Ephraim: I wrote it in my Notepad!

Innes: Nice plan. *warps Ephraim* Hey dude!

Villager: What!

Innes: Take this and warp me! If you don't, I'm gonna go Gordin on you!

Villager: Whatever that means... *warps Innes*

_And so, the two thieves went back to Archanea...or not. They didn't see what was comin' to 'em, but I did and I ain't telling you! Well, I think Marthio5x got somethin' to do with this..._

**Ephraim: We're back!**

**Innes: I know!**

**Ephraim: But why are we in the water?**

**Innes: I don't know!**

**?'Cause I did it!**

**Ephraim: Holy Shiida!**

**Innes: Those rules, Ephraim!**

**Ephraim: So.**

**?: Get lost, punks. *walks away***

**Ephraim: Renegade much?**

**Innes: No... Oh, Shiida!**

**Ephraim: What!**

**Innes: It's Shiida!**

**Shiida: Why do you keep complementing me? I'm already married to Marth!**


	5. Chapter 5

~Part Five~

_Wow...It took this writer about 83,917 Gran years to make a simple update? Jeez. Anyway, Marth and Ephraim were fighting about who the better prince was. Innes, on the other hand, was too busy trying to get Shiida to fall in love with him. There's nothing much I can say, but Innes trying to steal Shiida...Don't you think that's a little too...over the top? Man, that guy is asking for it. And sadly, I couldn't hire Barst to smack Innes everytime he flirts with Shiida because I didn't pay him last time. Well, here's the story._

**Marth: I'm a **_**way**_** better prince than you are, Ephlame!**

**Ephraim: No you are not!**

**Marth: Then what game was Shadow Dragon a remake of?**

**Ephraim: The first one!**

**Marth: No, it was the third one!**

**Ephraim: 1.**

**Marth: 3.**

**Ephraim: 1!**

**Marth: 3!**

**Ephraim: ONE!**

**Marth: THREE!**

Ephraim: It's a remake of FE1! Seriously!

Marth: It's a remake of the remake of FE1 that came with FE3! So, it's 3!

Ephraim: Fine. You're a better prince. Now get outta my way!

Marth: *moves over* Go on.

Ephraim: Wait...where's Shiida?

Marth: What? Where _is_ she?

Ephraim: I don't know! Come on!

_**Later on...**_

Innes: Come on. I'm way better than that son of a Pegasus Knight.

Shiida: He is _not_ a son of Pegasus Knight! I'm offended!

Innes: Do you love that dude that much?

Shiida: Yes. And I'm a Pegasus Knight!

Innes: Holy Shii- Sheets of paper!

Shiida: Oh! I know who you are...

Innes: Of course, I'm Prince Innes of Frelia.

Shiida: *points javelin* I'd like to see this go through you again...

Marth: Hey Innes! Back off!

Ephraim: Duuuuuuuude! Remember what we had to do?

Marth: And what is that?

Ephraim: Playing Mario Paint.

Innes: Yeah! We wanted to paint that picture of Navarre red with lances and bows!

Ephraim: Exactly. We gotta go.

Innes: Yeah, let's go.

Ephraim: Now, we're walking and climbing those stupid mountains. Got it?

Innes: Yes.

Ephraim: No Warp staves, no cheat codes.

Innes: I got it!

Ephraim: Now... We go!

Innes: To avenge the 21-year-old Frelian guy!

Ephraim: Now we gotta climb... *grunts*

Innes: Ow! My arm hurts!

Ephraim: *grunts* N-nearly th-there...

Innes: We can do this...we can...do thi- No!

Ephraim: What's wrong?

Innes: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

Ephraim: Nooooooooooo!

Innes: Oooooh...

Ephraim: Ow...can you get off my back?

**Marth: What happened to you guys? I thought you were playing Mario Paint!**

**Ephraim: We...wanted to...play it...**

**Innes: ...In those mountains!**

**Marth: You guys...are plain stupid. You don't climb the Devil Mountains. You just move a few spaces up!**


End file.
